It’s not entirely back to school this week though, as this week is all about bush walks. Abraham has returned and he takes us out two walks daily. We’re all still a bit in holiday-mode and also very happy that someone else is doing the guiding now. Personally though, I’m not a big fan of bush walks. All in all, you don’t get to see that many things (at least not here in Stanley & Livingstone) or maybe it’s just that we have a lot, a lot!, of little stops to check things out and that makes the walks pretty slowgoing and undynamic. That being said, we spend one morning tracking baboons and have some reasonably close encounters with black rhino and a herd of buffalo on other walks, which is pretty cool.
Slowly but surely we need to start prepairing for our exams too. My focus shifts almost entirely to bird calls and bird pictures. Every day I spend at least 30 minutes listening to bird calls on my phone. In the mean time, temperatures have been crazy high. Generally, at 10 o’clock it will already be 30+ degrees, to eventually reach highs of up to 38,5 Celcius. At some point it is only 34 and we all feel a bit chilly. Needless to say, these are not temperatures that are conducive to studying hard.
In week 7 it is back to normal. We have our last practice drives and once again David raises the stakes. Not only do we now need to recognise the trees and know at least one practical, medicinal and cultural use. Now we need to connect an arthropod to most of the trees. For instance, a striped policeman butterfly will mainly lay it’s eggs on the leaves of a red bushwillow. So when talking about a red bushwillow, add value by mentioning the striped policeman butterfly. Also birds, add even more value to birds. What type of nests do they have: groundnest, floating nest, cupnest, a nest dug in a riverbank, or a unusual nest (official terminology). Or any specifics on feeding methods, or breeding methods or.. whatever. Add value.. it is more of the same, but mainly more.
Luckily I’ve overcome the sence of resistance I felt a few weeks ago, and decide to just do whatever is needed to pass this course. I don’t really know what it is though, what makes me want to want this. It might well be an ego-thing, as in that I don’t want to give up, or that I like the idea of being able to say that I’m a guide. Or maybe it is the fact that I would actually like to have this as a carriere option, however unlikely it may be. I don’t know what it is. But I know that I started this and now I want to finish it.
So this time, on my drives I pick up that grass, I stop for that tree, I elaborate on that bird. But I do it on my terms. I only talk about those things that are truly interesting to me personally, and steer well away from the standard topics we’ve heard so many times before, like the mopane tree and its butterfly shaped leaves. So I talk about how basalt rock can be found on the moon, how the African hoepoe was deemed an impure bird in the Old Testament, and how the wild dagga plant doesn’t have the same effects of the Dutch marihuana plant but is nevertheless enjoyed for its sugar-laden bulbs. And you know what?! I actually like it. I myself am rather shocked, but I actually enjoy telling these little facts, sharing these mini-stories. I’ve been having similar experiences with the night sky and the stars. For months I’ve been staring up to the South American skies, identifying the bright bright stars, figuring out the constellations, while at the same time wondering what to do with that knowledge. Turns out there is tons and tons of Greek and Roman mythology connected to these constellations, all being mini-stories of their own. And I find that I really enjoy sharing those stories with my fellow students.. mostly since I am the only one who is remotely interested in the celestial world.
And then it’s week 8. Or rather, the end of week 7. The exams are coming so Karsten decides it’s time for him to bail. He’s not doing the exams, and has no intention of hanging around either. Instead, he has changed his plans and is heading to Kruger Park for a week of guided walks holiday-style. The man is certainly doing something right!
First, we need to finish our research assignment. I’ve already forgotten what the exact assignment was, but we needed to show that we know something about the historical and cultural heritage of our area of operation. Again, none of us understands what is expected of us, and somehow David is incapable of adequately explain it to us. It’s just vaguery we get from him. So in return, all of us hand in some vague nonsense about the tribes that lived in Zimbabwe, and the cultural value of Victoria Falls and/or the ruins of Zimbabwe. We all pass.
Then, those of us that remain (Susanna, Terrence, Niklas and me) start off with a prelimenary test, to make sure we are ready for the real FGASA exam. It’s not an official examination, but a way for our training provider to prove that we master everything we need to know. It covers rather stupid questions about soil types, and weather systems, and blablabla. David is quick to look over our papers and then comes back to us with “homework”. It is the dumbest thing ever. At question 13 he told us not to talk about winds, and then he tells me I need to add something about winds. His explanations are so confusing, none of us really know what he’s expecting. So we wait until he leaves for a little trip to town and then copy each others work. Done.
Then it’s Saturday evening, the evening we have been dreading for a while now. It is time for our first real and official exams. We get 20 bird pictures (out of 90) and 20 bird calls (out of 90) to identify, 6 Frog/toad calls (out of 12), 6 frog/toad pictures (out of 12), 14 reptile pictures (out of 27). And we need to be precise: it’s not just hornbill, or yellow-billed hornbill.. no, it needs to be the full name: southern yellow-billed hornbill.
A slight panic breaks out when I don’t recognise the first picture, but in the end all is well: I freaking nail it. Mannn, all the time and energy I’ve invested in this pays off, halleluya! Niklas does well too, whereas Susanna and Terrence will have to do a couple of reassessments.
Then Sunday is study day. Only study study study. From early morning to evening. Our camp “manager” Vanessa has told us 80% of the exam will consist of questions from the workbook, so we decide to work only on this. One of our study books, the one that covers the actual how-to-do-guiding part, I don’t even touch. In the afternoon Niklas, Terrence and I sit together to go through all the questions in the workbook. I feel quite well prepared, but Terrence realises he needs to step it up. It will be an all-nighter for him.
To beat the heat we start early on Monday: at 7am David hands out the papers. I do a quick scan of the questions before I really start filling in the answers (this is how I used to do in high school as well, back in the days) and my confidence goes up. I can do this. Three hours later it’s done and I feel relieved: I know I’ve got this.
In the end the exam turns out to be waaaaaay easier than it could have been, and I kinda hate David for not giving us some more insight, some more reassurance. Especially Susanna has had a rough couple of days leading up to the exams and eventually was only persuaded last minute to go through with them. This could have been handled in a much better way.. but even without that, she passes with ease.
We’re all super excited. And super nervous at the same time. One more day. One more test. All that is left is our final game drive.
I get to go second, with an afternoon drive. That last bit kinda sucks, since it is so super hot during the afternoon with so little shade. It’s not very conducive to a pleasant drive. But I do not have another option than to occasionally stop for a tree, or some stupid grass. It’s definitely not my best drive and the blazing sun and lack of shade make for a louzy combination. We do end up in the middle of a grazing herd of buffalo, which is pretty sweet, and finish off with a nice sighting of a couple of lion… a moment where I realise I may actually know more about sawtooth lovegrass than about lions.
Three hours later we return to our camp, where I park the car next to the kitchen, thank my guests for their contribution and ask for feedback. And then David gives me the final words: Jeroen, you passed! Damn..
I AM A SAFARI GUIDE!!!!!!
David being David he cannot help himself however, and he lashes out to Niklas and Terrence for not taking off their caps while giving me feedback. It’s a cultural thing apparently, in South Africa it’s a sign of disrespect. But we are not South Africans, Nicky and T. are my buddies, and the words they spoke were more than respectful, and I myself have taken no offense. It’s a bizar move of David and a bit of a bummer for me. I should be happy now, but my last drive ends on a bit of a negative.
The next day it’s D-Day for Niklas and Terrence. Niklas freaking nails it, so much so that I even feel bad for Terrence for having to follow after him. But it turns out Terrence has held something up his sleaves. Being a native Zimbabwean and with his granddad and dad both being guides, Terrence has by far the most knowledge of all the students, but somehow it hasn’t really come out during his practice drives. But clearly he was saving the best for last, ‘cause he knocks it out of the park. We finish our course with the best drive any of us has done during these 8 weeks of training. Really really cool!
And for me personally, it was one of the best days as well. Finally, I am able to relax. I can just sit in the car, and enjoy it. Without listening to instructions, without taking notes. Just sitting and watching. It is so cool. At some point Terrence talks about the importance of rhino conservation and mentions the few remaining rhinos in Asia in passing. It sends me off into my own world…. I’ve been there, I’ve seen these rhinos in a park in the south of Sumatra. And as I remember that, I realise how blessed I am, blessed to be able to travel to beautiful places, blessed to be here, blessed to meet amazing people, blessed to be doing what I’m doing. The course is all but over, and I finally experience a moment of pure joy.
The Long Solo Down 
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